It’s been a while since my last post, and to say that a lot has transpired in the past few months is an understatement. I’ve been doing an immense amount of inner and outer work, and doing a lot of spiritual, emotional, and physical healing. I suppose that has been the key focus of the last few years of my life…Inner and outer healing…And thanks to yoga and yoga’s sister science of Ayurveda, this healing has been dramatic and profound, and therefore, I know it will be permanent.
My decision two years ago to fully purify my body and mind from all synthetic substances was a very important one, and I know that without dedication and discipline on my part, it would not have been possible. But I’ve also been well aware of another factor that made it possible for me to make such a drastic and enduring transformation in my life…I haven’t had to focus on working 40 hours a week in a job I hate or traveling day in and day out from studio to studio teaching where ever possible just to make a living. I was blessed in this life to be born into a wealthy family who early on helped set a foundation for me so that during this time of transformation and self-discovery, I have had a comfortable cushion to focus solely on my own healing. Over the past two years, I have been blessed with the opportunity to take my 200 hour yoga teacher’s training twice, and in July I took a three week intensive 300 hour advanced training. I cook every meal for myself, I have a self-care regiment, and daily spiritual practice that keeps me centered, grounded, and in a peaceful state of mind. Without these tools, I know, without a doubt, I would still be on mind-numbing psychiatric drugs, or worse, not here at all. And the fact of the matter is, most of these tools require money and time, and in this day and age, how many people have an abundance of those things?
My point is, that so many people tell me how brave and amazing I am whenever they hear my transformational story, and as grateful and honored as I may be to hear that, deep down I know that if I was in the position that 99% of the population is currently in, there is no way I would have made it through this change with such triumph. No, I’m not saying that it was easy by any means…No amount of money or time freedom can fully prepare a person to truly look within themselves honestly and deeply enough to embrace the radical shift in mindset and perspective it takes to be successful in this sort of change. What I’m saying is, the strength and bravery that I have expressed throughout my life is also innate within everyone else, but not everyone else was born into such a conducive karmic condition as I was in this life; which brings me to my next point.
Everyone DESERVES the opportunity to heal themselves naturally, but how many people put it off or are unsuccessful in their attempts because they lack the monetary means necessary to fully commit to healing? How many truly sensitive and gifted people struggling with “mental illness” will be on medication for the rest of their lives because they will never have the opportunities available to them that I have had available to me? How many people will be in and out of institutions, or worse, take their own lives out of desperation and hopelessness because they were never offered the tools necessary for TRUE healing? These questions haunt me to my very core, and I know that I have been put in the situation I am in for this very reason. I must create a place for those less fortunate than myself to come and heal.
My mentor and dear friend recently told me that I need to start speaking my truth fully and completely and stop holding back because of what others may feel about it. She suggested that I sit and write out exactly what I want every area of my life to look like without regard to anyone or anything else. Last night, I sat in meditation for some time to clear all egoistic thoughts from my mind, and then I sat and wrote what my soul purpose and place in this world must look like for me to be fully aligned. My hearts deepest desire is to create a donation based sanctuary for people to come and learn how to live and integrate a yogic and Ayurvedic lifestyle into their lives. For some time, I have known I wanted to create a healing yoga retreat on a farm in the mountains of North Georgia, but my views for it were limited to who would come and pay and how much money I could make to make it “successful”. These monetary aspects of income and “success” have been pushing me out of alignment with who I truly am. In my heart of hearts, I am a person of service. I have never felt more aligned than when I am volunteering yoga or offering marma therapy and lifestyle advice just to express my love and devotion to someone. That’s who I am, and my place in this world is to serve others.
So, what does this mean? It means I’m currently working on another huge shift in perspective. Being born into a wealthy family also meant being raised with a certain idea of what “success” looks like, and I’ve been realizing more and more that this imagine of “success” is not an image I can live with. For those who subscribe to numerology, it may be helpful to mention that my life path is a number 9… Mother Theresa and Gandhi both shared this life path number, and while I’m by no means suggesting I’m the next Mother Theresa or Gandhi, I share that same deep driving desire to serve others in order to bring about social and spiritual change. And so that’s what I must do in order to live in my truth without watering down my spirit and choking on this world’s current ideology of material success.
While I would love to say I can take on this task by myself, I know that’s not possible. The vision I have for this healing sanctuary is radical and unconventional, but it is also very responsible. I am hoping to put together a team of healers, unconventional (yoga teachers, Ayurvedic practitioners, energy healers, astrologists, etc) and conventional (psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, etc.) alike, in order to better conceptualize this vision. I didn’t simply stop taking all my medication overnight. I had a team of conventional and unconventional support to help me monitor my progress as I slowly transitioned. I feel my transformation may have actually been easier and quicker if I was living with a team of healers around me at all times helping and guiding me on how to integrate proper diet, self-care, and spiritual discipline into my day to day life. While I had great guidance available to me, living alone made it a bit difficult to manage the physical and emotional roller coaster that comes with detoxing. I feel that creating a more communal and family-oriented place for people would be wonderful. And of course, there must be aspects of karma yoga (selfless service), hatha yoga, Bhakti yoga (yoga of devotion which includes chanting and prayer), and Jnana yoga (yoga of self-knowledge)…And it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t integrate animal therapy into the regiment.
Anyway, this is all still in the conceptualization stage, but I felt compelled to write this out today, as I’m feeling quite inspired and aligned with what I truly wish to do with my gifts and experience…
Have a beautiful and blessed day.
Namaste, my friends.